A reader of mine once commended how progressive the themes of my stories can be and how ahead of my time I am. True to form, here’s a short story I wrote about six years ago (July 15, 2009) when I was 19. It’s a flash fiction with thrusts on same-sex relationships, and a side of a twisted twist towards the end. (I realized I’ve been wanting to become a gay husband as early as 19 lols.) I tried to keep it as “pure” so the grammar might seem a bit off from time to time. But what the heck, it’s my baby and I love it.
My naked body has been laying in bed all day. My eyes are wet and sore; my hair, disheveled. The curious draftiness of the rainy night has benumbed my body. But well deep inside it, the storm is worse. Isn’t it funny how a plane took you away from me effortlessly? I begged you not to leave but you insisted, explaining to me how opportunities like an Oxford scholarship can only come once in a lifetime. And who am I to take your ambitions away? From the very start, I knew what we have wasn’t going to work. I was just a simple guy with a simple dream, that is to live an easy life in a province where you and I could be together in peace. But we were opposites. You’re a man who strongly believes he has an expansive horizon ahead of him. You don’t believe in living simple because you think you’re meant for something extraordinary, something a mundane life in the province can never give you. Your life’s philosophy goes something like “to realize one’s dreams is a person’s only obligation.” You even tried to influence me. “Every breath we take must lead us to our dreams. Do you have a dream?”
Do you have a dream? That query of yours struck me and made me take a second look of what my life has become. I grew up in a province where there are no malls or amusement parks that would have made me happier when I was a little boy. Back then, I dreamt of becoming a doctor, probably a cliché for a class of graduating kindergartens. I was our class valedictorian. I made my family proud. They told me I will bring our surname to glory. Understandably, I didn’t feel any pressure back then. I was young. I scarcely knew anything about ‘life’ and how it really goes. I was like a little robot programmed only to read books and answer home works. That was until I reached high school and joined the Home-making and Farming Club. Then, I knew what I want. I want to become a farmer and grow plants and crops. But more importantly, I want to become a partner to another man. (Can you just imagine how horrified my family was when they knew about this?)
So, yes. My answer is yes. I do have a dream. That is to become your husband. You are my dream. You are my ultimate happiness. I grew up in a town where there are no malls or amusement parks. But I realized happiness isn’t found in these places. I found happiness in you. But tonight, you took all that away from me.
My eyes were closed when I felt a familiar embrace took over my body. I tumbled out of my little reverie and opened my eyes carefully. I saw your face; your body pressed against mine. I rubbed my eyes, thinking that maybe I‘m in a beautiful dream. But after clearing them, you were still there, staring closely at me. I stroke your hair softly as our eyes begin to sparkle with tears while our smiles radiate our countenance. You gave me your cute ‘forgive me’ look. You know me too well and you know I’ll give in. I pulled you in and rested your head on my chest.
“I love you. You know I’ll always forgive you… even without your apology. You know I’ll always understand… even if I always come second to you.”
You gazed at me for a while and then locked our lips in a sad kiss. They only parted when I took your shirt off. The warmth of your body felt like sunshine to my cold and dreary heart. You give me life. You keep me alive. You are my everything. The way you caressed my shoulders sent shivers to my nerves to my spine. I closed my eyes. We kissed deeper. Our tongues fenced inside our conjoined mouths. You rubbed your warm body against my coldness, your bulging manhood against mine. Two warm drops of tears wetted my cheeks. You began to sob.
There are two inevitable things in life: change and sacrifice. Haven’t you sacrificed enough for your ambition? You were a product of a broken family–a family that has never made you feel the love and care a great person like you deserves. Your mom used to beat you as a kid. You were her defense mechanism, the bearer of everything in the world that she hates. You were six when she locked you inside your room for three days with no food or drink. You survived by drinking your urine and water in a vase. You told how that experience turned your heart into an impenetrable stone. You’ve become indifferent because you felt neither love nor hate from people who are supposed to be on your side and be there for you through good and bad. But you were no one, nothing to them. From then on, you shut your heart and exclusively gave all the love you have to yourself alone without leaving even a tiny bit to the world. You grew up to be like Narcissus whose attempt to love only himself led to failure, despair, and ultimately his death.
But if there’s one thing that connects even the most distant and hardest of hearts, it is love. We were college classmates before becoming very close friends. Before we knew it, we were already making love, letting out cries of pleasure as we find shelter in each other’s body. For three years, we were madly in love with each other in spite of our personal issues. And then this day came. Like a dream, you disappeared.
But now that you chose to come back, I’ll be locking you in my arms for eternity. I’m done sacrificing. I’ve given up too much already. You’re all that I have now and if I lose you, I lose all of me. So please, do not struggle getting out of my embrace. Keep your promise of everlasting love for I will keep mine. Stay. Stay.
I felt several droplets of warm liquid on my face. Are you crying again? You shouldn’t cry. No one will hurt you again.
I wiped the wetness off my face. All of a sudden, the air started to smell something funny… like rust. I looked at my fingers I used to wipe my cheek. My eyes grew heavy.
I saw blood.
The castle in the air began to crash to the ground. The sudden downpour of the rain outside brought me back to the place I tried to escape–reality. The reality of you leaving me alone forever. Your lifeless body was lying on mine. The knife on your forehead will be the symbol of my unceasing love for you. I love you. I can’t lose you so I stopped you from leaving. Let’s leave Oxford behind and walk together to a world of our own where there is no hate, just love. This world is such a cruel place it could sometimes derange you. Hold my hand. Let’s fly back to our castle in the sky.