Of old emails and frozen recollections

So I was spring cleaning my old email accounts today when I stumbled upon a correspondence with a long distance lover I had 2-3 years ago.

Jansu

And then I felt sad. It isn’t because I still love him or shit, it just makes me sad how people around me change so fast while I remain the person I was the first time I met them. It makes me sad how they could easily eliminate me from their lives like I’m worth nothing while even silly, little emails like this one, I treasure so much.

He unfriended me on Facebook, blocked me from all his social media while all I want to do is reconnect and catch up. It feels so shitty because I care too much about people who care so little.

If I could I would totally change. Like, I’d turn myself into an insensitive CEO who only cares about making money and slaving people. But I couldn’t. This is me. I cry over movies. Old emails somber me up. Criticisms break me.

My heart is a fricking china in a bull shop and I have no way out.

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