Some of my favorite Queer As Folk quotes (Part I)

I swear someday I’m going to finish this series. In the meantime, here are some of my favorite quotes/dialogues from this amazing show. I picked these lines because I find them funny or inspiring or romantic or honest. Here goes.

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“The thing you need to know is, it’s all about sex. It’s true. In fact, they say men think about sex every 28 seconds. Of course, that’s straight men. With gay men, it’s every 9. You could be at the supermarket or the laundromat, or buying a fabulous shirt, when suddenly you find yourself checking out some hot guy. Hotter than the one you saw last weekend or went home with the night before, which explains why we’re all at Babylon at 1:00 in the morning instead of at home in bed. But who wants to be at home in bed? Especially alone, when you could be here, knowing that at any moment you might see Him. The most beautiful man who ever lived. That is, until tomorrow night.” – Michael (voice-over)

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Brian: I got bored.

Emmett: I know, getting your dick sucked can be so tedious.

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So, are you coming or going? Or coming and then going? Or coming and staying?

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I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure, and minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in, so they can get laid. And they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that’s what you want, then go find yourself a pretty little girl… and get married.

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I wished for a moment that I too could be a lesbian. But then I remembered I’d have to eat pussy, so I said forget it! – Michael

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It’s not lying if they make you lie, if the only truth they can accept is their own. – Brian

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Brian: I know I can be shit to you sometimes, I know that. But it’s only ‘cos I know you’ll love me no matter what.

Michael: I do.

Brian: I do too. Always have, always will.

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I think God appreciates it even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that’s what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn’t make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear… and every faggot. We’re all his, Emmett. He loves us all. – Ted

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Ted: If it turns out we’re hopelessly lost, and, for whatever reason, I don’t survive the elements, I want you to know that you have my permission to eat me.

Emmett: Thank you, Teddy. That’s the most generous thing any person said to another.

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Justin: You didn’t return them?

Brian: I didn’t return them.

Justin: We don’t need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.

Brian: You did it.

Justin: Did what?

Brian: Became the best homosexual you could possibly be.

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Michael: Have you ever been on a date?

Brian: One. I ended up fucking the waiter.

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I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick. I wanna suck dick. I like sucking dick, and I’m good at it too. – Justin

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There’s no fucking way Brian Kinney’s fucking sperm are doing the breaststroke in my fallopian tube. – Melanie

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Why tell anyone? Why lose everything when it can just be your little secret? You see, it was different for me. Everyone could tell who I was from the start and it didn’t make my life any easier. I’ve been beaten up, cursed at, spit on, ignored… but in a way it was worth it. Because I have never had to live a lie and I’m not about to start now. Not for you, not for anyone. – Emmett, on coming out

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Michael: You can’t open someone else’s mail. It’s a federal offense.

Hunter: I can see it now: I’m on Death Row awaiting a lethal injection. This mass murderer who killed 48 babies and ate them asks me what I’m being executed for. I say, “Opening Ben’s letter.”

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Brian: We’re queer. We don’t need marriage. We don’t need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our God-given right.

Michael: But it is also our God-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we’re every bit as much human as they are.

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Emmett: Do you think I’m physically attractive? Sexy?

Debbie: Keeping in mind that I’m a heterosexual woman of a certain age, and you’re queer as they come – fuck, yeah.

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Brian: Remember what I said to you last night.

Justin: Yes, I heard. You said you love me.

Brian: Then how about marrying me?

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I was asked to say a few words tonight. I asked “why?” They said, “Because you’re a hero.” A hero… Because I played football? Because after a lifetime of denial I was finally honest about who I am? I don’t call that heroic. What *is* heroic is standing up for the rights you deserve, no matter what the consequences. And that’s exactly what those who were injured… and who lost their lives last night were doing. Or trying to before they were stopped. But they were up against a powerful opponent – hatred. Hatred spread by those that want to deny others what’s rightfully theirs. In the name of *their* God, *their* family, *their* country. I guess they forgot that America belongs to everyone. – Drew Boyd

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I used to hate it when Brian would say, “There are two kinds of straight people in this world – the ones who hate you to your face, and the ones who hate you behind your back,” because I knew that wasn’t true, there are plenty of straight people who don’t hate us. But the ones who do no longer have to do it behind our backs, they can do it in the White House, in the churches, on television, in the streets! Is that the kinda place we wanna live? Is that the kinda place we wanna raise our kids? – Melanie

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Ethan: Why do you have to be so antisocial?

Justin: I’m not antisocial. I just can’t stand people.

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I don’t want to be with someone who sacrificed their life and called it love… to be with me.  – Brian

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Every year I always wish for the same thing – a boyfriend. Someone to love who’ll love me. This year I think I’m gonna wish for something else. The wisdom and maturity to realize that I won’t find what I want by looking for it. Not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself. That I’m not a half waiting to be made a whole. And even if that special person never comes along… I’ll be just fine. – Ted

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If you don’t earn respect when you’re alive, you don’t deserve it when you’re dead.  – Brian

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Justin: I fucked him so hard my dick’s gonna be sore for a week.

Brian Kinney: I don’t wanna hear about it.

Michael: Actually, I wanna hear more…

Ted: Speak slowly and enunciate…

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Justin: I should have told you about him.

Brian Kinney: And taken all the fun out of it? So how big’s his dick?

Justin: That has nothing to do with it.

Brian Kinney: Since when? You love cock, you love it down your throat, you love it up your ass, you love riding it, and after you cum, you love to fall asleep when it’s still inside of you.

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Brian Kinney: Wouldn’t you rather just cuddle?

Justin: What?

Brian Kinney: I said wouldn’t you rather just lie here…

Justin: No no no, I heard what you said. You said “cuddle”!

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